Home security is serious business. Every day we see new articles circulated, tips, tricks, and the latest security hardware that can give you an edge against would-be home invaders. Seldom, however, do I see the mindset – ways you should be thinking about home invasion and how you should behave if it happens to you – being discussed pragmatically.
The important aspect of mindset is that once its ingrained, it’s always with you. Unlike a security system that can fail or a piece of gear that you may not have on hand, mindset is about understanding that bad stuff happens to good people all the time, and it’s perfectly okay – beneficial even – to sit down and think about bad situations like home invasion every once while with an attitude of, “What would I do/not do if this happened to me?”
Before we dig into the meat of this article, I want to reiterate that these are not strategies. They are just ways of thinking that I hold to be common truths and applicable in pretty much every home invasion scenario.
What You Should Never Do During a Home Invasion
1. Don’t Be Passive
This is the biggie. Often you hear of people who get absolutely wrecked during a home invasion and it turns out that they froze and just let the events unfold. Home invasions are chaotic scenes, but the important thing is to react – however that may be. An attacker will always go for an easy target and if the chosen victim doesn’t act like a victim, then it will give the attacker pause for concern. This is especially important towards the beginning of the conflict, as it can dictate how the would-be aggressor will proceed.
A common example is racking your shotgun behind the door – the idea being that you are letting the perpetrator know that consequences may occur if he proceeds to try to break in. The facts about whether or not you will actually escalate to deadly force is irrelevant: the perpetrator only has to hear the sound of a shotgun slide being racked to be threatened enough to go on by. He or she doesn’t know who is behind that door, and as we all know, the fear of the unknown is a significant human motivator.
Obviously, this is just an example, but the idea here is for the mindset to develop that you are not and should never act like a passive victim. Resisting will always give the perpetrator pause because ultimately everyone has something to lose – including them.
As a side note: if you read my home invasion experience you will know that my reaction did cause an escalation, but I firmly stand by it (despite the many mistakes I made). Why? If the perp had gotten inside, he would have had the luxury of time and privacy on his side – and who knows how that would have turned out.
2. Don’t Be Naive
Going through life with the mindset that things will never happen to you is frankly a quick way to test Darwin’s Theory of Natural Selection. Accepting that bad stuff can and will happen may make you a miserable git amongst your peers and possibly get you labelled as paranoid, but ultimately, the first step to moving forwards is acceptance and in this case, accepting that at some point it’s likely you will be involved in a confrontation that you did not seek out. This acknowledgement will allow you to move from the “frozen in fear” state to doing something pro-active.
As most men know from childhood, the fear of physical conflict is far more intimidating than the end result. I only got over my fear of being put in a position where I may get injured by being in a fight and realising – you know what? I can heal from this. Human beings, whilst being soft, squishy meat bags, are surprisingly resilient. Avoiding conflict will just lead to more conflict, but with the downside of the situation being wholly out of your control. Don’t be naive and think you can walk away from all problems.
3. Don’t Be Cocky
Story time. When I was 16, I went to East Berlin with some friends. I got a touch too drunk and ran into some Turkish guys in a bar. Both sides got mouthy and being 16, I thought I was bulletproof. We stepped outside and I realised for a split second how precarious my position was. I was outnumbered facing a bunch of men who out outweighed me by 100 pounds. This sudden realisation sent a chill through my bones – probably the quickest method of sobering up!
Anyway, nothing came of it because a cop car drove past, stopped, and this group of Turks walked away, but the experience stuck with me to this day. Being cocky is a recipe for disaster. This is a common psychological flaw with young men, in my experience, especially when they have had a few pints too many.
4. Don’t Overreach
This is something I see quite often and it presents itself as quite a conundrum. People who react aggressively to threats commonly tend to become over-invested in the result, and consequently, they pursue the threat without thinking about their primary role. My job is to protect my home and my family. If I run down the street to chase someone down, how can I guarantee that my home is safe? Maybe an accomplice is lurking around my property and I didn’t see him. Or maybe the conflict suddenly takes a turn against me, and unlike prior, I won’t have the advantage of it taking place on my turf.
What people have to understand is that 99% of criminals are not suicidal – if they perceive their target as uncooperative and frankly not worth the effort, then they will walk/run away. However, there is a big difference between a criminal missing out on a score and a criminal who thinks his freedom is at stake – because trust me, that’s what he is thinking about as you are chasing him down the street. The motivation and thus the reaction will be vastly different.
You also should think about the legislative issues at hand. Here in the UK there have been a bunch of instances where farmers shot a retreating home invader and got sent to the slammer for it. Self-defence laws protect you when your life is in danger – everything else is vigilantism and whilst we can have a debate on the right to make criminals pay, the reality is that the police won’t take kindly to it in most jurisdictions.
Prioritize your safety and your family’s safety and don’t over-reach just to make a point or seek “justice.” Document everything, do everything you can within the law, and let the police actually take care of the enforcement.
5. Don’t Underestimate
Criminals are not dumb, they are just driven by motivations that broader society considers immoral. We have to accept that and work our mindsets within those parameters. Yes, stupid criminals do exist but underestimating them could result in a painful lesson. I always react to perceived threats wearily, knowing how quickly things can go south in this crazy world we live in.
When we lived in Canada, there was a liquor store about 5 minutes from us. Elise, who is not as sensitive to threats as I, wouldn’t even notice a drunken lout walking and gesturing aggressively, but I tend to ere on the side of caution and thus would always slow down to allow some distance between me and what I perceived as a potential threat.
It doesn’t cost me anything except confused glances from my wife and allows me to mentally access the situation as it happens instead of being thrust into it.
Time to process what is happening is the single most valuable thing you have. Robberies and attacks tend to happen at blitz speed because criminals know that if you got your bearings together, you may be more comfortable reacting offensively. No criminal is going to give you a heads up that he is about to commit a crime because it would take away his (or her) major advantage. My single biggest piece of advice would be to never underestimate human stupidity and capacity for maliciousness. I don’t go through life thinking the end of the world is behind every corner, but I accept that bad stuff can and will happen and prepare accordingly.
Underestimating is dangerous because it implies that people are predictable, that you can quantify what can and will happen, and that’s a certain recipe for disaster.
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Developing the Right Mindset About Home Invasions
I wanted to scribble this article because I have read so many blog posts with advice like, “Keep the TV running on a timer so that criminals think you are awake,” and other advice that is more practical in nature than what I’ve listed here. the problem with said advice is that it’s a bundled solution that hinges on factors outside of your control. I want you to read this and think – “Okay. I get it. This is the mental framework I should have about home invasion.”
Mindset is with you 24/7 and unlike strategy, it’s ambiguous enough to always be applicable.
Where to Go From Here
Learn more about home security by checking out my article: Home Security 101: Last Ditch Plans Are Not Enough – What to Do Instead.
Interested in delving into more security posts? Check out the following:
Houston once had a burglar they called the NINJA burglar. He only visited occupied houses. He prided himself on how quietly he robbed a house. Large items were obviously not stolen.
If you do not blatantly show off expensive stuff; no one will know that you own it.
Home invader rob you because the know that you own expensive stuff.
Yeah, sometimes its just opportunity too. Open window etc.
You should not advertise that you own valuable stuff. What is so wrong with driving a ten year old car? Or wearing clothes you found at a thrift store?
If you buy stuff online; cut up the boxes. Then put them in a heavy duty garbage bag.
If you own a firearm; do not tell anyone that you own it. Or display it openly in your house.
It’ll also help if you learn how to safely shoot it. Plus care for it.
Why not live in a GRAY MAN HOUSE?:
1) Do not landscape your lawn. Mow it yourself or hire a local kid to do it.
2) Own a USED car. If you own a new one; keep it in your garage at all times.
3) If you own a moveable gas grill; keep it in your garage when you’re not using it.
4) Do not be seen wearing “FLASHY” clothes or excessive jewelry.
5) Do not put AMAZON boxes out for your weekly trash pick up.
6) if you own a “BUG OUT ” vehicle; do not make it look like one. No visible gun racks. Do not have stickers that identify guns you might own on it.
7) Do not put any political signs out in your yard.
All sound advice.
I am a long term Prepper / Survivalist and read your article with interest. Whilst you made it abundantly clear a home invasion can happen to anyone, you offered precious little ‘practical advice’ on a) How to avoid such an invasion and b) How to behave and indeed survive a home invasion. c) What to do after a home invasion has happened.
I feel these are all points that you should have addressed.
I hear you, regarding your points- the article was about things you should never do as opposed to a full guide. Unfortunetely, I find that people get overwhelmed/bored if the articles are too in depth and so I try to break them up. I’ll see what I can do about a addressing your questions in a separate article.
Your article was as if reading a playbook of the last 5 years of my life. As recent as 10/04/21 my home was broken into ..again the second time within a week. I’m targeted. I do not know these ppl, idk why me, however I cannot deny your articles point of view and must agree with how broken has left me..I sadly admit. I’m exhausted tbh. Thankfully though I happen to stumbled upon this tidbit of information to guide my emotional health during this process, I am coping much better than previous break ins…also the support this time that I’ve been reaching out to also accepted have made the decision not to be a victim. These individuals are sick ppl..fornicating on my bed, using my “vibrator” (do you really need to know how I know that it’s been again..5 years!!… jewelry, opened the locket with my Mother’s ashes, took every or destroyed any personal and sentimental value of my life’s possessions from me…tore legs from a hand made Raggedy Ann my Mother made when I was 4..I’m 52…handmade jewelry I made my nephews cause their mother choose to go to heaven, I collect vintage jewelry..stole 1 of each pair of earrings…rings, I also build driftwood furniture and decor, stole, broke or damaged…how about designer clothing down to bras, underwear or bathing suits with blood in them …last I had my period I was 35…so it’s not about what you have really…that they can flip for cash it’s about entitlement and opportunities….knowing my passive attitude which it likely appeared as so left me labelled the “victim” that’s was helpful…so I thank you…not so really..more so disassociation nonetheless I will follow your advice I’ve already taken measures to do so..one thing that does puzzle me is they know exactly when I leave and how long they have before I get home.. remember this is a pattern..so not our first rodeo and this has left me with devastating effects related to PTSD so with each incident I may cope better than last but my recovery is more painful and takes that much longer to snap out of even with councelors and a therapist. I’m aware very much so of this type of Gaslighting…not being validated for 4 years while I was victim to this insanity despite the number of calls to authorities which were never documented till 05/05/21 then again on the 08th so from 07/2016-05/2021 it was “paranoid” “my meds” “are you on something” (how humiliating) “it’s in your head” ….did you know lack of validation is the greatest form of human psychological torture one can(not) endure? Otherwise it’s the most heinous…so despite my list of what was taken, used or performed in my home…it was a definite home invasion…and they believed they were ENTITLED to what did not belong to them so they ..charged in and took it!…that is a home invasion..and I, you, no one deserves my stuff, yours or anyone’s anything without permission..period.
Yes, absolutely. The mental health impact of having your home violated is the absolute worse. Glad to hear you are taking steps to regain control. With all trauma, its important to be active and manipulate your environment to negate feelings of insecurity. It can be a monitored alarm system, a dog with strong guardian instincts etc. it doesn’t matter. You need to do whats best for you and your mental health.
Thankfully this type of crime doesn’t happen in my area but I sure as hell would hide somewhere with a weapon and wait for either the right time to come out and surprise them with an attack they weren’t expecting or for them to find me and then strike. If neither happened, I’d come out of hiding as soon as they leave the house and take a good look or even a picture or two of them and their car if they have one.
Avoidance is statistically the best plan when dealing with the potential for violence. Thankfully, its unlikely you will have to make such a choice- that said, it’s a good thing you have given this some thought.
I wonder what the hell you folks are doing for extra money….taking bets, selling drugs? What? Because I used to know people who did both if those things and they worried almost not at all about a home invasion! So what makes you think it’s such a pressing concern: other than the gun companies and the ranting fools on television! I would be a whole lot more worried about a break in when I wasn’t home cuz THAT’S when the criminals are more likely to hit. Oh, and maybe close your drapes so your huge screen TV can’t be seen from the road! I’d be willing to bet that you’re more likely to have a bear break in while you’re home than a criminal invade while you’re home!
It is statistically unlikely, but it does happen. Even to me infact!
https://morethanjustsurviving.com/home-invasion-story/
Hey Joe Pete,
I have been the victim of a home invasion, November 1, 2006. Worst day of my life. I was home from work because it was my scheduled day off. My drapes are always closed so they couldn’t see in. However, I didn’t have a storm door at the time and they saw an easy way in. One kick and my door was caved in. Tied me up and put me on the living room floor; then repeatedly poked me in the back of the head with the barrel of a revolver as the leader asked me where certain things were in my home. I learned that day (10:00 A.M.) that this can happen to anyone on any given day at any given time. In this country a house is broken in to every 17 seconds. I was fortunate enough to live through my ordeal, many aren’t as lucky. You sound pretty cocky, like this could never happen to you. I hope your turn never comes as I would wish this on no one. Just remember: every 17 seconds.
If I am ever victim of a home invasion, I look at it like this: the people invading my home are a threat to the lives of my kids, my wife, and myself. So, point by point…
1. If I feel the best response is to stay hidden, I’m not going to give away my position by “racking the slide.” If I feel I need to shoot in order to protect my family or myself, I’m going to shoot.
2. Once an invader is inside my home, it’s already too late to stop being naive. BEFORE that happens, I have good locks on my doors, my kids know not to open the door to strangers, they know to call 911 if someone is trying to kick in the door, etc.
3. I’m not cocky by nature :) One chance for them to leave, no threat involved. Just let them know I’ve called the police and they should leave. If they choose not to leave, no more words, no cockiness on my part, just an end to the threat.
4. I agree. Once they leave, I’m not going to chase them down. I might try to get a look at their license plate so I can give the number to the police when they show up, but I am not going to try and engage them if they’re not an immediate threat to me or my family.
5. Agree, shouldn’t underestimate anyone, especially a criminal brazen enough to break into your home. That’s why I will error on the side of protecting my family if it ever happens to us.
A solid plan from my perspective, how would you notify the burglar that you are aware of his presence and have called the cops? Stern shout?
Mindset is one of those things that really makes a difference in every situation. Once you’re able to keep yourself reasonably calm and make up your mind to never be a victim you’re well on your way to surviving most situations.
Agreed, Joe. A lot of people seem to think the survival mindset comes naturally and the flounder when faced with tough choices. Its important for all of us to pragmatically “look” at ourselves and our limits.
Thanks for dropping by!
Good Job Thomas;
I would like to wade in here and mention that as part of my professional life since 2007 i have been a trauma counselor. Working with victims of violence is very difficult, It is important to know before violence escalates or we escalate violence in an attempt to stop more of it from happening, that a critical or even lethal threshold can be reached; often suddenly. Just last Friday i had an evening session with a Gulf War Vet, and neither he nor his wife have managed to be anywhere near ok since the early 90’s. Once the situation goes that bit too far it may not be possible to walk it back because of the trauma. Not all of my clients were able to live with their choices, and of course it is difficult for me to live with the fact that i could not get them to a place they could. I think You see now why i recommend every avenue be explored before going down there. Most would consider this man a hero and not a victim, yet the suicide rate among these Vets is very high. With violence comes Trauma, no matter which end of the stick You are on.
Aye, the mental trauma is something we don’t often think about. I have bookmarked this comment and I might revisit this line of thought in a proper article (I reckon it deserves one).
Thomas,
This is a terrific article. I would rank it right along with a piece written by Sam Harris in November, 2011 that addresses three principals of self defense. It is a sobering article, as is yours. Well done.
See: https://www.samharris.org/blog/item/the-truth-about-violence
Thanks for sharing that Ben, good stuff.
Home invasions are simply ambushes by bad guys in your own home. They occur when the sight of motion detector lights, the dog, reinforced and locked doors and windows have not deterred. You simply practice for the situation. I knew a guy who trained his 5 year old daughter how to exit her bedroom in a fire. It is the same as prepping the family for the infrequent tornado in your part of the country. Practice during the day and at night.
Here in the UK the bulk of home invasions are opportunistic. I think the relative isolation of the average American home (big yards, plenty of space between you and your neighbours etc.) creates a different enviroment. I suspect that the U.S having so many citizens being armed also changes the methodology of the average robber.
Training your kids with broad scenarios in mind sounds like a great plan- if I say “go” then follow this path. Lifesaving in all sorts of situations from home invasions to fires, hurricanes etc.
Thanks for dropping by mate, always appreciate it.